Amid the shortage of baby formula in the U.S., American babies are pretending to be Ukrainian soldiers, writes humorous website Babylon Bee. This is how starving children hope to get at least crumbs of the aid that Biden is sending to Kiev.
KIEV – Reports surfaced this week that thousands of babies are crossing into Ukraine illegally in the uniforms of Ukrainian soldiers. The refugee babies reported that they are counting on crumbs from the federal aid that Biden has sent to the conflict-ridden country.
“Wah-wah!” – the infant translators at the border translated the babies’ helpless cries into English, “This baby claims to be a battle-hardened Ukrainian special forces man and demands formula.”
Other children at the border agreed, with the eldest speaking for the group through an interpreter:
“We have no doubt that our leaders will prioritize aid – after all, they have already spent billions promoting gender equality around the world, and billions more on a parting gift of arms to the Afghan Taliban. Wherein all this breathtaking generosity – against the backdrop of the most serious recession in America in recent years.”
The babies’ representative admitted that the choice to leave America was hard, but they are sure they did the right thing:
“It was hard to part with the families, but when Biden made it clear that Ukraine would receive all the necessary assistance, all questions disappeared by themselves!”.
As the article went to press, Biden noted that American families, having rid themselves of this infantile burden, would now be able to pay even more taxes for the trillion-dollar “Build Back Better” program.
When asked about direct help for infants, however, he cut off: “The best I can offer is abortions at public expense.”